If You’re an Overthinker, You are Likely an Under-Feeler. Here’s Why:
If you call yourself an “anxious person,” there’s a good chance you also identify as an overthinker. When faced with anxiety (or really any strong emotion), if it feels unsafe to feel, we’ll head into our mind in an effort to try and avoid or eliminate the feeling, and regain a sense of control. Overthinking often isn’t about finding a real solution; but restoring a sense of safety.
From a psychological perspective, this can be described as cognitive avoidance: shifting into thoughts so you don’t have to stay with the feeling in your body. Overthinking becomes a protective move (and a damn good one at that). Often, it looks like a quick little 10-step plan for how to avoid ever feeling that way again, full of managing “what-ifs” and running through imagined scenarios.
How overthinking develops over time:
Overthinking isn’t random; it’s a patterned strategy that often begins early:
Childhood (0–5): Safety strategy. If your environment felt unpredictable, you may have learned to scan and anticipate, using worry as a way to feel safe.
Middle childhood (6–12): Competence strategy. You might have replayed mistakes or rehearsed situations to avoid rejection or failure, using thought as control.
Adolescence (13–18): Belonging strategy. Overthinking expanded into self-monitoring and self-criticism: “Did I say something wrong? Are they mad?”
Adulthood (18+): Avoidance/control strategy. What once kept you safe solidifies as the default coping style. Now, it often fuels anxiety, drains energy, and keeps the nervous system tense.
What started as protection becomes a limitation. The very thing that soothed once upon a time is now the thing that prevents rest, connection, and ease.
Why it feels so urgent:
Overthinking acts like a safety advisor in the brain. When emotions feel too scary to allow, the mind creates imagined control: If I can just figure out what happened, I can prevent it next time.
But relief here is short-lived. It bypasses the emotions that actually guide your needs, values, and boundaries. It also reinforces the idea that uncertainty = danger, rather than something you can tolerate.
How you step out of the overthinking loop:
Start with one small pause and Ask yourself, “Is there a feeling here?”
That question interrupts the reflex to think your way out. From there:
Name it. Even simply: “I feel hurt.” Emotional labelling helps regulate intensity.
Locate it. Notice where it shows up physically. Maybe it’s tightness in the chest, a pit in your stomach, a lump in your throat.
Allow without fixing. Tell yourself: “I don’t need to do anything with this right now.” That eases the urgency to strategize and problem solve.
Overthinking isn’t the enemy, it’s a well-rehearsed protection strategy. But by re-introducing feeling into the equation, you move from living in your head to living in your whole self.
