How to: A Gentle Way to Check In With Yourself
You’ve probably heard it’s important to check in with yourself, meet yourself where you are, but no one really teaches us how to actually do that. And for many of us (especially the intellectualizers in the crowd) turning inward can feel overwhelming, vague, or even impossible.
The good news? It doesn’t have to be complicated.
You don’t need a perfect routine, a deep meditation practice, or a thorough understanding of your inner world. There’s so much magic in simply being able to pause, get a lil’ curious, and meet yourself exactly where you are.
So, here’s a step-by-step guide for checking in with yourself so you can start to build a sense of safety in your system:
Step 1: Notice Which Zone You're In - Green, Yellow, or Red.
This isn’t about labelling yourself or judging where you’re at. It’s just about noticing what your body and nervous system might be trying to communicate.
Green Zone (Regulated)
You might notice:
“I feel open and grounded.”
“I can notice my thoughts without being consumed by them.”
“I’m present and responsive.”
This is the state where insight, emotional processing, and real change become possible. When we’re grounded, we can reflect with curiosity instead of defensiveness, and access compassion instead of criticism. You feel not only capable, but willing to engage with the world.
Yellow Zone (Activated)
You might notice:
“I can’t slow down.”
“Everything feels urgent.”
“My chest is tight.”
“I feel restless, on edge, or panicky.”
This zone signals that your system has registered something as a threat, even if there’s no actual immediate danger. This matters because we can't think, reflect, or connect clearly when we're activated. The body is going into protection mode.
Red Zone (Shut Down)
You might notice:
“Everything feels heavy or pointless.”
“I’m here but not really here.”
“I want to hide or disappear.”
“I can’t feel anything.”
This is a state of collapse, emotional numbness, or disconnection. Essentially, it’s your nervous system's version of hitting the brakes when things feel too much. It’s protection. The body has decided the safest thing to do is to go quiet or shut down.
Important: You can’t force insight or change from this state, and trying to push through it often leads to more overwhelm. Recognizing it lets you work with your system, not against it.
No judgement, just observation… Ask Yourself: Where do I land right now?
Step 2: Meet Yourself With Something That Matches Where You’re At
Once you have a sense of your state, try offering yourself something that actually meets your needs, not what you think you “should” do, but what actually supports you here and now.
If you're in the green zone:
Stay with it. Let yourself hang out in the safety.
You might ask yourself: What about the way i’m currently thinking/feeling/and behaving signals safety? OR “What’s something I haven’t had the space to feel, that I could tend to right now?”
Reflect on what’s been working or supporting you lately.
Engage in a gentle journal prompt.
Move toward a meaningful task or connection while the energy is available.
If you're in the yellow zone:
Sloooow down: Try a longer exhale, hand on chest.
Orient to your environment: Look around and name 3 things that feel comforting or interesting.
Remind yourself: “I don’t have to solve everything right now”, “just because things feel urgent, doesn’t mean I need to take action immediately”.
Try light movement to discharge energy (walk, shake, stretch).
Sip or grab something cold to anchor your attention in the present. Ex. Grab an ice cube - Notice how fast or slow it melts, count the seconds you are able to hold it.
If you're in the red zone:
Start small: Place your feet on the floor, or simply feel the surface you’re standing/sitting/lying on.
Sip something warm.
Gently move if you can (rocking, swaying, curling and noticing where you’re holding tension).
Connect to something external: Sound, texture, temperature.
Let in some sensory support (weighted blanket, gentle music, calming scent).
Remind yourself: “My system is doing what it believes is safest.”
Step 3: If You’re Open to It, Get Curious
Once you've connected with where you are, consider opening a gentle line of inquiry… not to force change, but to create a little space for reflection:
What does 100% look like today, if I were to stay in this state?
What would feel even just 5-10% more supportive in this moment?
If in Yellow or Red - What might my system be keeping me safe from right now?
Is there one small thing I can do that aligns with care and compassion right now, instead of pressure or force?
Remember: This is about noticing and tending to where you are, not where you think you should be.
We don’t always get to choose our initial response to the environment. But we can choose how we meet ourselves there. Even a tiny moment of awareness is a step toward greater clarity, connection, and care with yourself.
