Behind the Name: Conscious Arrow Counselling
When I introduce the concept of the conscious arrow in sessions, it’s like watching a lightbulb go off. So I thought it might be worth sharing here where that name actually comes from.
Behind Conscious Arrow Counselling is an old Buddhist teaching called “The Two Arrows.”
The first arrow refers to natural, unavoidable pain. the kind that shows up simply by being human: loss, illness, harm, criticism, embarrassment.
The second arrow refers to the additional suffering created by our reaction to that pain. This often appears as resistance, rumination, self-judgement, blame etc.
An everyday example: you make a mistake at work and feel that sting of embarrassment, that’s the first arrow. Then your mind jumps in with, “I’m so stupid. I always mess things up”, that’s the second arrow.
A “well-instructed disciple” from Buddhism (one who practices mindfulness and insight) still experiences the first arrow, but does not add the second. They experience the initial pain without compounding it.
Where the “Conscious” Comes In
This is where agency and choice enter the picture. We can’t control whether the first arrow is shot… life will always bring pain, loss, uncertainty. But we can influence whether we fire the second one.
As Viktor Frankl said:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
The conscious arrow represents that space. The pause between stimulus and response, the moment where awareness meets choice. Sometimes that choice looks like exchanging criticism for compassion, or choosing a path more aligned with who you want to be rather than who you’ve been.
To live consciously means taking ownership of your inner world and recognizing your agency, responsibility, and capacity to choose how you move through life.
This teaching aligns closely with the foundation of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT), the primary therapeutic framework I utilize in sessions. REBT reminds us that it’s not the events themselves that disturb us, but our beliefs about those events. In REBT language:
The first arrow can be understood as the activating event (A).
The second arrow reflects the belief or interpretation (B) of that event.
This is viewed through the ABC framework in REBT: A (Activating Event) → B (Belief) → C (Emotional/Behavioural Consequence).
We can’t always control A, but we can examine B, and in doing so, shift C. The process of pausing, reflecting, and choosing a new belief is the essence of the conscious arrow.
In conclusion, the conscious arrow reminds us that pain is part of being human, but suffering (often shaped by irrational or long-held beliefs) doesn’t have to be our default. By bringing awareness to that moment of choice, we reclaim our power to respond to life’s events with clarity, intention, and compassion.
