How to Come Up for AIR This Holiday Season: A Simple 3-Step Guide
Let’s be honest, the holidays can be… a lot.
Even if you don’t celebrate anything, you can’t deny the shift in energy this time of year: people taking extended time off, families gathering, holiday parties, and of course the “new year, new me” pressure building. And with all of that often comes the reigniting of old patterns and unexpected stress.
It’s natural for this time of year to bring up a mixed bag of feelings. Whether it’s the hit of loneliness when everyones going to a holiday party on Friday but you, or your brother pushing the same button AGAIN… Here’s a simple, 3-step guide to help you get a breath of fresh AIR anytime you feel overwhelmed or activated:
A = Awareness
I = Inquiry
R = Response
Let’s start with an example situation, to guide us through the steps. Situation: You arrive at a family dinner, and your sister says: “Classic, late again. This is so you”.
A = Awareness
Question: “What can I notice right now?”
Take a moment to check in with your body, feelings, thoughts, and impulses.
In our example, awareness might look like:
“I notice I want to defend myself”
“I notice my chest tightened as she said that”
“I notice I want to just turn around and leave”
Awareness is simply noticing. It’s how you step out of autopilot and back into presence.
If you’re new to noticing, it may happen after the moment rather than during. That’s perfectly okay. Remember: Awareness at any point can still shape future responses.
I = Inquiry
Question: “What comes to the surface when I tune into this?”
Inquiry is bringing gentle curiosity or compassion toward whatever you noticed (compassion if you can, curiosity if compassion feels too big).
In our example, inquiry might look like:
“A part of me feels attacked right now.”
“It makes sense my chest tightened, what she said feels restrictive. I’m not defined by just one thing”
“This hit an old story that I’m the irresponsible one.”
Inquiry is not digging for reasons or jumping into analyzing. We’re just recognizing that reactions often have roots, and those roots make sense.
Inquiry can be as simple as: “Of course this stirred something in me. It’s familiar.”
R = Response
Question: “What’s one small supportive choice I can make right now?”
This step is about activating your adult self, the part of you that has agency, perspective, and values.
When we react, it’s often a younger part of us taking the wheel, just doing what it learned to do. Your nervous system learned to react this way for a reason, and it’s normal for those younger parts to show themselves before your adult self has a chance. When we respond, we activate our adult agency - We choose how we want to show up based on our current values and perspective. And again, this may not be possible in the moment, but we can consider our response after the fact and make a plan to respond differently next time.
In our example, a response might be:
“I’ll take a breath before I say anything.”
“I can choose not to comment at all, and redirect the convo.”
“I need a moment - I’ll go to the bathroom.”
A response does not need to be big or loud. Actually, the smaller and more grounded the better when your system is in activation mode.
Response is a tiny step that supports you emotionally, physically, or relationally. If the awareness and inquiry happen after the fact, this might look like forgiving yourself for how you did respond in the moment.
AIR.
Awareness: What can I notice?
Inquiry: What comes to the surface when I tune in?
Response: What small choice feels supportive right now?
That’s it. Three steps, three questions.
The holidays are not always easy, but this framework is. It can help you move through the stress of the holidays with a bit more clarity and kindness. You may not be able to get out of that holiday obligation, but you can come up for some AIR when you need it.
